What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

If everyone in Russia dropped into holes in the ground only never to return, would that be good for NATO and international peacekeepers? Can we convince Russians to be less diabolical, so they coexist? Does Putin stink like doo doo in the commode?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

Can I know a love story of a medical student?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

True - how I loved my mum!

What do you mean son?

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Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

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Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

What! how could you do that?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

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Do you know what she said mum?